Feelings of Sadness and Uncertainty

I wish I could agree and say you're right. I am being ridiculous but I don't believe I am. This is hard enough. Not seeing you is hard enough. Not being able to be with when I want to. Not having you there when I need a hug,a hug that matters,that will make the hurt go away. Not having you to kiss,lay next to,sleep next to,wake up next to...it's the worst kind of torture. When you don't have time,are too tired to talk my heart breaks a little more every time. When we have plans or talk of plans but something comes up,throws everything off course, my heart breaks a little more every time. It's seems to be every time lately. I could be less miserable and less lonely all alone. I didn't know that this is what I was signing up for. Maybe I would've rethought it a bit more but now I'm too deep in it because I love you. More than I ever imagined. Which should probably be great but it's not. It's scary and it's new and unfamiliar to me. I think into the future sometimes knowing exactly what I want and other times I'm not sure because it's so hard now. It's scary because as much as I want it to last,and I mean last forever,I don't know if I believe it will. I used to be naive and believe in almost everything but the more I grow up,the more I realize most things you want to come true and last,don't. Mostly it goes to shit. For the longest time I just told myself that good stuff wasn't meant to happen to me so I didn't get my hopes up. I prepared myself for the worst,afraid of exactly what's happening now. My walls came down as well as my guard and now I'm stuck. I'm stuck in something wonderful and terrible at the same time and I don't when it's gonna get better or change. I only know where it is now and how sad it feels. It's making me feel weak,like my world is crashing down around me and I can't stop it from crushing and killing me until I'm a dull,lifeless version of my former self. I feel like a zombie when you're not here,which is always. I can't have fun unless you're part of it. No smile is as satisfying if it wasn't brought on by you. Showers aren't the same. Sleeping isn't the same. Waking up isn't the same. Nothing is the same. My life isn't the same. I wish I could say things were going to get better but I don't know if or when I believe they will. Time I guess...time will tell. Question is how much time will it take? And how long am I willing to wait? Questions,questions, so many questions. When oh when will I have my answers?